Gene

Why are you so happy?

I’m three interviews into this new blog and I’m already breaking my own rules. Instead of telling a story behind a photo, I’m telling a story then taking a photo. But who cares, it’s my blog, right?

This is an interview with one of my favorite people on earth. My dad, Gene. He’s is a joker and a storyteller. We laughed LIKE CRAZY throughout this entire interview. I apologize up front for adding “laughing” so much to the interview. But it’s true!

W: Hi Dad! Thanks for doing this interview! You might remember that a while ago you texted me saying, “Wendy, I truly believe this is the happiest I’ve ever been! In my late 70’s I feel like I’m hitting my stride!” You’ve always been one of the most content, “glass half full” people I’ve ever known. Why is that? Why do you think you’re so happy?

G: It takes some reflection to answer that question when you’re as old as I am. I’m 79. I’m not a wealthy man by any means. But I’m a happy man. And I’m also a lucky man.

Not lucky like winning the lottery. I’ve never won anything like that, but I look back on turning points that led to the good things in my life and I have to say, I’m extremely fortunate. It’s not pure luck though.

For instance, when I got out of the army in 1968 in West Virginia, I had no money, a wife, four kids and a master’s degree in history. I had a hunch that if I drove home to Minnesota, something good would happen. And within the course of three days, I found a job, bought a house, and located a school for my kids.

I’d say that was good luck. But you know, I’d laid some groundwork for that to happen and I was driven by my concern for my family. It was still lucky. Though it was a different kind of luck than winning the lottery. I had bit of luck but I also had my education, my willingness to take a chance, and my drive to make a good life for my family.

W: What other times have you been lucky?

G: When I graduated from high school, my parents didn’t have any money to help me out for college. I mean not a penny. I got a scholarship to St. John’s to pay for half of the tuition, but I had no idea how I’d pay the rest, nor did I know how I’d get there (I was going to be commuting to school).

I took a summer job at a car wash that was owned by a beer distributor. But this car wash wasn’t like you’d think. The door would open up and there would be two guys standing there with brushes to wash your car. One of those guys was me! You’d drive through and we’d scrub your car, then there would be a shower at the end to wash off the car.

But the car wash wasn’t making money and was soon to close. The other guy and I were waiting at the door of the building for customers, which weren’t materializing, and a driver for a beer distributor drove by and said that his helper came to work drunk and he had to fire him and asked me to help. I said yes! That chance meeting lead to my summer job for years. And that paid my tuition for the rest of my college career.

I now had the money, but I had no way to get to college on a daily basis. As it happens, two days before classes started, my friend Clancy called me and said, “I’ve decided to switch from St. Cloud State to St. John’s and you can ride with me!” I took him up on his offer and rode with him every day for four years! That was pure luck.

W: Switching topics a bit, I often come to you for advice. Why do you give such good advice?

G: Well, I give a lot of advice and I don’t know if it’s good or not until the person tells me. (both laughing)

I try to listen. I hope to help people get away from their habitual thinking and look at the issue a different way. People get stuck in doing the same thing the same way every day and it becomes instinctive. I try to get past that. Maybe that’s why I give good advice. I don’t know. Is it good? Maybe it’s awful! Maybe I’ve given advice to people in the past and have never heard from them again because they’ve had dire consequences! (Lots of laughing)

W: Back to why you’re so happy. I’m trying to figure it out. Do you think it’s because you appreciate simple things? I always remember you saying, “Wendy, be sure to enjoy the simple things like the smell of good bread!” 

G: Yes. I’m not a guy who likes a bunch of expensive stuff. But I love nature. There’s this prairie grass planted near the entrance to my place and I always run my hand over it, because I like the way it feels.

W: Oh, I do that too!! When I walk around our neighborhood there’s a big field of protected prairie grass and I do the exact same thing. Run my hand over it almost every time. 

G: Ha! A person should appreciate their senses. Senses don’t cost anything. It’s the same with nature.

One of my favorite memories is when we were vacationing in the Black Hills. I was looking around in the courtyard of the motel because I like rocks. I looked under this bush and said, “Oh my gosh, am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?” It was a petrified turd! One of the best things I’ve ever found in my life! What are the odds?

(Note to reader, I had my dad take a picture of it … but we determined it was just too gross to post. When you hold it in person, you can tell that it’s a rock. But when he photographed it, I couldn’t tell it was petrified. So, you’ll have to use your imagination.)

W: (Laughing) One of our weirdest family heirlooms! Wouldn’t you say you’re lucky to have found that?

G: Yes! I wonder what the animal was. I wonder how it was ever preserved. The odds of me finding that under a bush in South Dakota were less than the odds winning the lottery! Lots of people could appreciate winning the lottery, but very few could appreciate finding a stone turd under a bush! You know?

W: (Laughing uncontrollably. Both of us.)

G: Still one of my favorite things.

W: I think I like the story better than the actual thing. Are you ready for the next question? Why do so many people like you?

G: I don’t know. Because I’m handsome and witty, I guess. (Laughing)

W: (Laughing)

G: Well, I think it’s because I try to appreciate people. Case in point, your mom has a nurse that takes care of her. And she’s a very joyful person. I happened to be sitting in the chair outside Shirley’s room this morning and the nurse paused a bit to talk to me and I said to her, “You know you bring joy into a lot of people’s lives just by being who you are.” I just wanted her to know that. 

W: Awwww. That’s so sweet, Dad. Another question, do you have a motto that you live by?

G: “You probably know less than you think you do, so ask some questions.” “Don’t make many assumptions unless you’re sure.” I try to listen to everyone’s point of view.

W: What is that Aristotle quote? “The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” That’s so true! It’s the people that don’t know anything who think they know everything!

G: You’re right, Wendy!

W: I know another way you’re lucky … you find more 4-leaf clovers than anyone I know. How do you do that?

G: I look past all of the 3-leaf ones so all I see are the 4-leafs. (more laughing all around) I don’t know, I just have that ability. The odds of finding a 4-leaf clover are roughly 1 in 10,000.

W: To wrap it up …Why, why are you so damn happy?

G: I’m smart but I’m not a smart ass. (Laughing so much our sides hurt at this point.)  

I think I’m happy because I’m satisfied with the ordinary things in life and find them beautiful and wonderful.

Also, I like people and think that everyone has their own wisdom. Theirs may not be like mine, but I can appreciate them.

W: Well that explains why you are so patient with people in our family who have special needs.

G: Very true. Everyone has their truth …. no matter what level they function at. I try to approach them at their level of need … which is not the same level as most people.

W: That’s a great way to look at things. Not always easy though. Anything else you want to say about happiness?

G: Well Wendy, you’re one of the things that makes me happy. You and the rest of the family. You’re all a big part of me being happy.

W: Awww, right back at you Dad! I love you!

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 A quick note … we did this interview almost a year ago, when my mom was still in memory care (she has since passed on). It was a hard time, but my dad still found joy in his day-to-day life. He would spend a good portion of the day with my mom in her room or pushing her in her wheelchair around the gorgeous grounds, strolling by the flowers or sitting by the lake.

He got to know many of the residents and staff. He’d eat breakfast with a table of ladies on my mom’s floor. He’d chat with them and fetch them refills on their drinks. He even gave one or two ladies his cell number so they could call him if they needed anything. And every now and then they did.

Yep. That’s my dad.